If You Say So
by MyGoldStar
Summary: A series of drabbles/chronological oneshots updated when possible. They are Rachel writing letters to Finn when she misses him, when she needs someone to talk to or just someone to understand. Rated T for Safety. Hurt/Comfort & hidden/flashback Romance. Title taken from Lea Michele's If You Say So, no copyright infringement intended.
1. Letter 1

_Hey guys. It's me again, this time with a series of drabbles/oneshots based around Rachel dealing with Finn's death. They are mainly going to be letters. They won't be very long, depending on how inspired I am. This first one is set a week after his death, and I hope you enjoy it, in the most respectful way possible._

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, If You Say So or anything the reader may recognise. The words, however, are all my own choices. _**

* * *

_To The Love of My Life,_

_I, umm,I _

_I don't know what to say. I, umm, I miss you. _

_It's, uhh, it's been seven whole days since I last saw you, or even spoke to you. I don't know how I managed that long. I'm still sobbing. I'm not sure I want to believe in God if he took you away from me. From us._

_And the problem is that I know that you don't want me to be upset. I can hear you saying 'Please, Rachel, don't cry. It hurts to see you cry without being able to comfort you.' I want to do what you want, but try being in my position, okay?_

_Okay, I'm. I'm sorry. I don't want to be angry with you. You...being gone...is not your fault. That's the one thing that I'm sure of in this world now, apart from my love for you._

_Which brings me to something else. You... You know that when we were both ready I would have come back to you, right? My plan was simple: I would make it big on Broadway and maybe do a Woody Allen movie and one day I would just go back to Lima and you'd be teaching at McKinley and...You would ask me what I was doing there and I would just say 'I'm home.' Simple as that. _

_I wrote a song, you know. I can't perform it in front of anyone, and it's not perfect, but I think it explains my feelings perfectly. It's called 'If You Say So'. Remember? Our last conversation was over the phone after I had had got Fanny...I have a feeling that if you were still here we would have gotten back together soon (even if it ruined my plan!). _

_It's hard - to think about you. But I don't want to forget the sound of your voice, the way you held me and kissed me, the way you were so caring before, during and after we made love. I talk to you when Kurt and Santana aren't here. I think it's more romantic to write though. As much as I love talking to you, you can't reply. At least this way I can look back on what I say._

_I... uhh... I need to go now. Kurt and Santana are back. They'll be asking me to watch a movie in a couple of minutes, and I think, for once, I may just join them._

_I miss you,  
All my love,  
Rachel x_

* * *

_So they you have it. As I said it isn't very long.  
Glee: Facebook should be updated this weekend, but no promises - Microsoft Word won't let me edit the saved document for it , and I'm already halfway through Trio so I don't want to start again. I'll try to fix it soon, guys!  
These letters will be just after an episode,I think. Mainly one which I notice Rachel missed Finn a lot in, like The End of Twerk with the tattoo, or Katy or a Gaga with her singing My Man all day, etc etc._

_Oh and if I don't update before next Saturday then I'm sorry! I have school. And then we break up this Friday and I go on holiday the Saturday with hardly any wifi connection. So I'll update when I can, okay?_

_Reviews are love! 3_


	2. Letter 2

_Hey guys. So I was originally planning on working on Trio (Glee: Facebook) today but I was watching A League of Their Own on Sky1 (the show, not the movie!) and I just couldn't get this out of my mind! So I whipped this up for you amidst the not-so-hilarious parts and the advert breaks - keeping in mind this is my favourite episode with Steven Gerrard in! - and apologies if there are any mistakes. As I write it is exactly 11:47pm and as soon as this is posted I'm off to sleep. Enjoy, and I'll talk to you on the other side! :)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, If You Say So or anything the reader may recognise. My words, as you know, are my own.**

* * *

_To The Love of My Life,_

_You know, when I was younger I always thought that whenever I came home from Broadway rehearsals I'd be buzzing. Right now I'm just depressed – I sang 'My Man' all day. I mean, it's a beautiful song, but it's still kind of a sore spot._

_I thought of you while I sang it though. Always will. When I sang it in Junior Year it was for you, when I sang it in Senior Year as my nightly vocal routine it was for you, when I sang it in preparation for Funny Girl auditions it was for you, and when I sing it now and will sing it for Funny Girl it's for you. _

_Okay, I don't want to get all tearful again. Why don't I just tell you about Kurt's new band? I named it 'Pamela Lansbury' as a joke, but Kurt, Santana, Dani (Santana's new girlfriend –you'd approve of her I'm sure!) and Elliot (our new friends; he's also known as 'Starchild.' He's a little over the top but he's great) seemed to love it. Our first number was Katy Perry's new song 'Roar'. I'm not sure if you heard it or not before you left because I don't really watch Top Forty shows now, but I'm sure you'd like it. It has quite a fun, upbeat rhythm to it._

_With all the new Katy Perry songs coming out, it makes me wish we did a tribute week for her in Glee Club._

_Which reminds me – Kurt told me that Blaine told him that the theme in Glee this week is 'A Katy or a Gaga'. I bet that makes no sense to you, does it, love? Don't worry; it didn't to me either! Basically, people who identified themselves as a bigger Katy Perry fan had to perform Lady Gaga songs, and vice versa. Believe me, Blaine wasn't very impressed!_

_You'd be proud of them. Kurt and Blaine, I mean. I know you weren't there for the proposal because of school, but you'd have been so proud. I know I am. They've come so far. I only wish you were here to see it._

_Do you remember the star you gave me Christmas our Senior Year? You said that whenever I was feeling lonely I could look up to the stars and see you looking down on me...You have no idea how grateful I am for that now. It's like whenever I feel the pressure of having to survive without you is too much, I can look up and realise I am not alone. I need that... reassurance sometimes._

_I kind of feel like I'm using you as a diary. A place to rant and to vent and to confess and to cherish. I hope you don't mind. When we were together it was basically me doing all the talking and you just pretending to listen, though I know you'd deny that._

_Well, I have a script (yawn!) to be writing for NYADA so I best be off. I think I will write it about a girl who's confused and heartbroken and just beginning to mend, if that._  
_ Nah, they'd see right through me..._  
_ I love and miss you more with every day,_  
_ All my love,_  
_ Rachel x_  
_ P.S: I found the actual star quotation in my yearbook. I think it's my fave moment. It made me smile:  
_  
_ You: "It's your own star"  
__Me: "You named a star after me?"  
__You: "No, I thought about that but then I named it Finn Hudson, because there is already a star called Rachel Berry and she's right here on earth and she's brighter than any of those stars up there. So I wanted to make sure that whenever she feels lonely, she can look up at the sky and no matter where I am, she can know that I'm looking down on her."_

* * *

_Ahh, how I love Finchel. I miss them. That's one of my favourite moments between them. As I said, it's short but it's sweet, and that's pretty much all you can ask for with something like this.  
__Not entirely sure when I'll update next - just know that this is one of the favourite stories I have ever written of mine. _

_Let me know what you thought down below! Do it now. I can wait ;)._

_Jk. Just drop me a review if you have time :). They're love 3._


	3. Letter 3

I'm really happy with the chapter. It's short, sweet, and it takes place just after The End of Twerk. Well, actually, just after Rachel looks at her Finn tattoo. I'm still not over that.

I hope you enjoy and I'll see you on the other side!

* * *

_To The Love of My Life,_

_I think today is the day that I broke out of the hole I dug when you left. I was living, but I didn't really have a **life**. I probably still aren't the girl I was then, but at least I'm not what Kurt was – he Skypes with Blaine every day and it wasn't even sexy Skyping until earlier..._  
_...Yeah, I'm writing with earphones in. At least I'm being forced to practice Fanny, right?_  
_Sorry; you really didn't need to know that your brother was having sex._  
_Ooh, the mental images...!_

_Moving on._

_The reason I mentioned Kurt was because he got a tattoo! It was crazy – we drunk a bottle of ...something - I can't remember what – in a public tattoo shop! His was supposed to say 'It gets better' (I think) but it got messed up because Kurt can't write when he's half-drunk so instead it said 'It's gets better or something like that. Anyway, he changed it to 'It's got Bette Midler' but I don't see why he didn't just change it to 'It's got better', you know? At least that would make sense._

_I told him that I was too afraid to get one._

_I lied._

_I... erm..._  
_Gosh this page is gonna be wet-through when I'm done with it!_

_I got a tattoo on my left ribcage which reads your name. You now have truly left a permanent mark on me; though you undoubtedly did years ago with your love, talent and personality (you always did have a colourful one!)._

_I could barely say your name without bursting into tears, which is why it's a good thing that they like a printing – I used your favourite font. I'd have preferred your handwriting but, unfortunately, Microsoft Word doesn't really do a replica messy scrawl. They really need to._

_I guess I should stop being sentimental now. My ink's unreadable as it is!_

_Rehearsals for Funny Girl are going well. Rupert Campion, the director, is strict, but he's kind. He understands when I need to take a breather when it's too much, at least. The man playing Nick, he's... interesting. He's a lot older than me, don't you worry. I'm not ready for another relationship yet, anyway. Plus he's not the cutest guy in the world._  
_I'm serious, the spotty, greasy hot-dog guy at Six Flags sounds more appealing than him!_

_Ha! I can see you scoffing up there now!_

_I say this in every entry, but I miss you. Billions. In fact it's infinite because I don't think there's a number large enough to say how much I miss you._  
_I can feel your presence with everything that I do and yet I feel so lonely. I will always have your star, though!_

_Anyway, Santana's home from her date with Dani now so maybe we can blast Pitch Perfect on or something and attempt to block out the noises coming from Kurt's bedroom – they ain't pretty!_

_Apologies, again. I really need to stop doing that.._

_I love and miss you more with every second._

_All my love, adoration and admiration,_

_Rachel xx_

* * *

Sorry for the sexy times reference. I'm a Klaine fan, it just comes out. Rachel mentioned it in the show, anyway.

I had full intentions of posting this on Saturday, but this website was playing up for me - was it you?

I hope you enjoyed it! Enjoy Opening Night on Tuesday - or I guess it's tomorrow. I slept all day until 1:45pm (completely justified, I'm sick) so it feels like 5pm to me.

I also hope you liked Tested last week! I just watched it a couple of hours ago and Blaine MIGHT need to lose a few! I loved the boys stuff and I love the Rachel/Mercedes scenes as well. Rachel talking about her love for Finn was heart-wrenching and couldn't have been sweeter.

Reviews are love and will make me feel loads better! Let me know what was your favourite part and what I can improve on!


	4. Letter 4

_I am SO sorry guys. I do have excuses: my internet has been messing up, I've been sick and I had big tests this month. Also, I had to deal with Liverpool being in the title race for the first time in my life. It was pretty hard to deal with!_

_I have more news at the end but for now, please just enjoy the new chapter!_

**_For disclaimer check first two chapters please._**

* * *

_To my one true love, _

_This week has been quite eventful. Blaine and Sam came to visit us in New York to audition for their respective schools and it was quite the party! I'm not sure the loft can house Santana, Sam, Kurt Blaine AND me. It's too much of a squeeze. Of course Blaine's moving in, he can just share with Kurt, but with the fact that Santana already has to sleep on the couch, I don't know where Sam comes in. Maybe Kurt and Blaine will get their own place? I don't know. It's still a little while before Graduation, anyway._

_How are you? I hope you're well. It... pains me to not be able to ask how you are. Just so you know, I'm doing okay. It still hurts but I think, with the help of still being able to talk to you in a way, and my friends, of course, it'll get better. At least I hope it will, because I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life. I'd rather celebrate yours for the wonderful person you are._

_Funny Girl rehearsals are going good. We're still miles away from Opening Night but I'm settling in. I hope you'd be proud of me. There's something about living life for the both of us now, not just me, that powers me on. You looking down on me is like my own personal engine, guiding me through life._

_Anyway, back onto Blaine and Sam visiting. Sam might possibly have a little crush on me. I'm pretty sure I don't return those feelings, but there were a couple of moments this week in which something might have happened. Don't worry, nothing did. I'm glad; he and Mercedes are obviously meant to be._

_Okay, I'll stop worrying you know. I just thought I'd say. You are kind of my diary, right? Plus, you're my best friend as well - best friends confide in each other. _

_I know that this is kind of a short entry, but there has been so much going on this week. Hopefully,next week will calm down a bit and I will just be able to sit down and write my heart out. _

_Not literally ;)._

_Well anyway, we're going to take Blaine and Sam to the airport now, and then Kurt, Santana and I are going to have a girls night (basically just to distract Kurt in case he's a blubbery mess haha)._

_I love you, Finn. Never forget that. _

_Rachel x._

* * *

News time!

So I'm really sorry about this, but if any of you follow the football/soccer world you will know coming up this summer it is the World Cup 2014. I am going on holiday on June the 14th and won't be back until June the 28th, meaning I won't be able to update in those times. I won't have access to a laptop or internet either. Ugh, I'm gonna have to catch up on SO MANY Troye Sivan and Tyler Oakley videos...

Anyway, I'm really sorry about this. This holiday was booked way back in October as soon as England qualified, and it's only now that I remembered to tell you. Hopefully, you will still stick with this story. I really enjoy writing it for you!

I know it's early,but I wish your team luck in the World Cup (unless England are playing you haha).

I hope to update Glee: Facebook soon.

Please let me know what you think. Also, tell me episodes you want Rachel to write to Finn after. I'd love to hear from you!

Reviews are love.


	5. Letter 5

_Guess what? I'M BACK! Menorca was as lovely as ever. I really enjoyed seeing old friends!_

_Here's a short letter, just after Frenemies. I'll be skipping to City of Angels or 100 next so keep an eye out for that!_

_Hope you enjoy! 3_

* * *

_My love,_

_I'm not entirely sure how I managed to stay romantic just then, because I am absolutely fuming. How could she? Being my best girl friend, how could she even dare to try and take Fanny from me? I can't even believe her._

_She is a b***. A mean, self-centered, evil b***._

_I guess she could say the same about me if wanted, though. Luckily, she'll never read this. No one will. Unless I get buried with it and you read this in Heaven. Haha._

_Anyway, can you understand why I am so angry? I'm sure you saw what Satan did. Flouncing into MY understudy audition, singing MY song, dancing MY dance, smiling MY smile... I literally loathe her right now. That's a reasonable emotion, right?_

_Ugh, I'm so mad right now I can't even reason with her! I can't live with her anymore! I.. just... UGH!_

_I probably sound like the typical, jealous diva right now but I don't care._

_I don't care._

_Why? Because I am SICK of Santana never letting me have anything. She always has to ruin things for me... She had sex with you before I did, she took one of my songs at Sectionals 2010, she tried to stop us from winning Sectionals our Senior Year, and now this? I'm over it. I'm done._

_How's life up there? Is Michael Jackson teaching you how to dance, after all? Do you live in your dream house with your father or did Kurt's mother seek you out? Where ever you are, whatever you're doing, I hope you're happy. I'll try to be, until the day when I can be with the, my soulmate again._

_That's all I ask for. Will you wait for me? Will you still want me when I'm old and grey if I don't get turned back to my youth by God? Will you want me if I end up married with kids? Believe me, Finn, if that happens, I'll still want you. I will always love you the most._

_There's no need for that now, anyway. I can't see myself falling in love anytime soon, don't you worry._

_Well, sleepy time. Do you still have to sleep when you're gone, I wonder?_

_Goodnight, honey._

_I love you,_

Rachel x

* * *

_Because I wrote this all on my tablet, I asked **Fire Girl125** to edit it for me. Thanks for that - this is dedicated to her!_

_Love you all! _

_Reviews are love, my loves ;)._


	6. Letter 6

_This chapter is dedicated to the one and only tall, awkward, Canadian, actor, drummer, person... Cory Monteith. We love and miss you more with everyday. Hope you're okay up there, big guy._

* * *

_My love,_

_It's been a crazy week and half! With Nationals...Glee, I can hardly cope any more. Don't worry, I will._

_Shall I tell you a story? _

_Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a Glee Club called New Directions._

_The New Directions were current National champions and they had made it again this year. Nationals were taking place in Los Angeles for the first time in a while, and the whole club was buzzing! The hot sun, the swaying palm trees and a singing competition which they had a pretty good chance of winning - what more could they ask for?_

_However, earlier that year the Glee Club had suffered a tragedy.__ Finn Hudson, their adviser and best friend, had unfortunately passed away for an unknown reason. It was all very sudden. They would give anything, and I mean ANYTHING to bring him back._

_The Glee Club performed in his honor at Nationals, even if it did cost them first place. _'America', 'More Than A Feeling' _and_ 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For'_ were all favorite songs of his before his passing. _

_New Directions didn't win, but they did come runners up _(certainly it's an achievement, right, my love?) _which the evil Principal Sue Sylvester, head of McKinley didn't like. She wanted them to win, or it was over.  
Glee Club is over._

_I felt that was the easiest way to tell you the news, even if I am sure you watched their performance and everything that followed. _

_Glee really is over. And I couldn't be angrier. _

_Sue's letting us have one last lesson before she turned the choir room into a computer lab or something. Ugh. I can't say I'm surprised. She always was out to get us. _

_Mr Schue invited everyone down to take part in the final lesson - favorite songs of the past. I've already had a mini-feud with Mercedes over Defying Gravity, and it's only the middle of the week!_

_I'll tell you more about it on Sunday, okay?_

_I miss you, and love you more than Fanny loves Nick, more than Juliet loves Romeo and more than I love Barbra._

_Stay safe. I love you,_

_Rachel x. _

* * *

_I'm really really sorry if this seemed a little rushed - I lost the chapter just when it was uploading and had to rewrite it! It's completely different to the original and probably shorter too, but I had already deleted the file! Oops, might have to wait next time! Hope you enjoyed!_

_Reviews are love. Please write one, you. Yeah, you :)._


	7. Letter 7

_A short but sweet letter set just after New Directions._

_Enjoy :)._

* * *

_My dearest Finn,_

_Wow, that might very well be the first time I've addressed you by your name in these letters. I'm glad I'm making progress. _

_What should start with? Oh yes, Santana and I are friends again! I think Brittany helped her see sense of her actions, and for that I'm incredibly thankful of her. I know it probably didn't show, but not being friends really hurt me. Emotionally - I mean; I am the one who slapped her, not the other way around ;). _

_And about them – Brittana are back together! They're going to Lesbo's Island and Hawaii on a romantic getaway (that's how Britt phrased it  
haha) and then Brittany's moving to New York as she doesn't really like MIT (I think they abuse her intelligence!)._

_Quinn and Puck are back together too! They sang a duet in the choir room and told us. I'm happy for them, and Brittana. I'm happy for everyone._

_I can't believe Glee's really over. Gone. Done. __Dea. __  
I dunno; it kinda feels like the root of all our friendships – and relationships- has been destroyed. Well, I guess it has. But Glee will live on in all of our hearts... Just as you will. Because it is love and passion that leaves things to be remembered, not the glory and the trophies that may come with it._

_Sorry! I can't help but add something really  
heartfelt in each of these entries, but I'm almost certain you don't mind. See, that's what I love about you. It would bother me – who would want a heartbroken young adult pouring their feelings out to a book which they're beloved is (hopefully) forced to read? Okay, maybe not forced, but I think you understand what I'm trying to say. You always do._

_We made a video for Mr Schue's kid, saying what a wonderful man their father is and how much he means to us all. I hope they get to see it one day. _

_Je t'aime et tu memanques plus que ma propre vie._

_Love,_

_Your Rachel x._

* * *

_'__Je t'aime et tu memanques plus que ma propre vie' is French for 'I love you and miss you more than my own life' - I thought it'd be a nice touch. But it's only from Google Translate, so if it's wrong, please let me know so I can edit it! :)_

_Reviews are love._

_Holly_


	8. Letter 8 and MORE!

_Hey guys :). This chapter is a little bit different - I wrote the one for New New York but then it was realllyyyy short so I decided to include some of when Rachel was out of town with Funny Girl. I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

_Hey,_

_I don't have long. I'm out of town with Funny Girl; you know; promoting the show and everything. I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. It's hard to get a spare, private minute where I can just... think. _

_Honestly though, as great as this experience is, right now I'd much prefer to just be in New York with our friends. Artie, Sam and Blaine are there now – the lofts getting crowded again as I've moved back and of course Blaine's moved in. Sam's 'couch surfing' as Blaine called it but, what the hey? It doesn't affect me right now. Hehe. Anyway, that's Kurt, Blaine, Sam, Santana and I living in one huge space with only curtains to separate the 'rooms'. Good job we've got earplugs (!)._

_Anyway, I best be off. I'm barely halfway through this tour thing so I'll write when I can. _

_I love you,  
Rachel x  
PS: Did I say that I love you? ;)_

* * *

_Hi,_

_I'm kinda slacking with the romantic introductions lately. Sorry. Let me try again:_

_My dearest, truest, handsomest – okay wait, this is going nowhere. _

_Let's pretend that didn't happen, 'kay?_

_How are you? I'm good. The out of town stuff is keeping me refreshed. I feel like... I'm __**ready**__ for the big ON (Opening Night) now. Maybe I needed a couple of months away from the big city to just refresh my brain. Not that I've been relaxing all the time. _

_I'm heading back to New York soon. Two weeks, I think. Ugh. It disgusts me to see that I only 'think' something. In all fairness, it is past midnight! _

_Right. It's past midnight. Meaning I should sleep. Love ya. Miss ya. See ya.  
Rachel._

_PS: (I know, another one!). Stop laughing at me. See. I know your every move...Haha xx._

* * *

_My love,_

_Yay! I'm getting back to my normal cheesy (but adorable, you have to admit) ways.  
We're heading home now. I can't wait to see everyone! I've missed them so much. I wonder how the guys have settled in... Santana's still away with Brittany so Kurt's had to do most of the introducing as I wasn't there for long before this trip. I kinda wish I was there for it as they've probably seen most of the sights by now. _

_I have to be discreet with this as I'm on the Subway right now so I don't wanna get weird looks. I'll write again next week, kay?_

_I love you :)._

_Rachel xx_

* * *

_To the loveliest, most caring, beautiful man I have ever met,_

_I'm back in New York now, and what can I tell you? Let's start with the news that Mercedes has moved here! I'm so excited I could scream – which I did, by the way. What can I say? I'm a fangirl, and fangirls fangirl about everything. And that makes no sense, so I'll shut up about that now. _

_There was this whole crazy modelling fiasco which Sam was involved in but I won't say much about as I don't like the topic. I'll just say that it  
involved drugs. Don't worry, he didn't take any. _

_Blaine moved out. I think Kurt was feeling a bit claustrophobic as they did almost everything  
together. He and Sam now live with Mercedes in a much better apartment then the one Kurt, Santana and I live in! Ah well. We'll move out soon, I hope._

_Sorry this letter's so short – I've got a Monday night dinner to cook for the crew!_

_I'll love you always. I'll love you 5ever. I'll love you as much as I love Nutella – almost. _

_Nah. I love you more than that._

_Love,_

_Me xx_

* * *

_THUMBS UP IF YOU GOT THE TROYE SIVAN REFERENCE! I don't own the song 'We're My OTP' which the lyrics are from :)._

_I'm not sure when I'll update next as the Premier League starts again soon so my life will be one lovely rollercoaster again - Come on Liverpool, I know you can beat the critics!_

_Hehe. I'm so grateful for y'all it's unfathomable. _

_Reviews are love :)._

_Holly x_

_I hope you enjoyed._


	9. Letter 9

Hey! Well, this letter might be my favourite so far so I'm just gonna let you read and enjoy! :)

**X**

Finn,

Are you aware of how much I love you? Wait, no. Are you aware of...of how much you meant to me, and how much you still do? Without this diary of sorts, I don't know how I'd manage.

Maybe you wonder why I'm all emotional all of a sudden. You see, I don't really want to mention it. I'm sure you saw what happened to him - what happened to Kurt. Kurt! Kurt's my best friend, you know that, right? He's my best gay. He gets me, you know? I don't know what I'd do without him, especially after what went down with you last year.

Blaine had to think about that. He had to think about what it would be like to lose his fiance. I mean, I would've tired to help him and comfort him, but I know better than anyone tat the only comfort to losing a loved one is to be with them again. And of course, I'd have just been crying. Crying whilst comforting never helps. Anyway, the look in Blaine's eyes - the pain, the worry, the LONGING for him to be okay - reminded me of someone I know quite well.

It reminded me of me.

And God, is that what I really looked like? Dead to the world? Comforted by nothing? Some might say it's different; someone being injured to something dy - leaving, I mean. To someone leaving. But I don't think it is. Everything is intensified when its the love of your life, your soulmate. You worry about everything from a papercut to brain damage or cancer, and rightly so. Love may be overpowered by everything else combined, but you definitely have to work harder for it to succeed.

You taught me that.

Speaking of which, slap me in the face, will you? I know, I'm joking. I just fell so stupid for yelling at Kurt about him not taking risks. How ludicrous! He must take at least five risks everyday in just his outfit, never mind his actual life. To think if the attack way any worse that could have been the final thing I'd ever said to him... Ugh! The last thing I ever said to you was 'I love you' and I just wish that I had the physic abilities to have said the same to Kurt.

He's okay though. Bruised, cut up, emotionally and physically, but he's okay. That's all we can ask for.

I'm going to go apologize to him now, I think. So, I love you more than my life and I'll talk to you as soon as possible!

Love,

Your Rachel x

**X**

Squee! I actually connect with Rachel better than I thought I would be able to with this story. I'm quite proud of how it's turning out! :)

I hope you did enjoy, and let me know what you thought in the reviews! :)


	10. Letter 10

_I have an important announcement as the bottom ao make sure you check that out._

_I hope you enjoy! xo_

* * *

_Love,_

_I forgot how nice having proper girl time is. Kurt tries but with Santana away, it's really nice to just... you know talk with Cedes. There's a lot of boys here in the Big Apple anyway. Girls need breaks sometimes._

_Ha. I sound so weird right now. There's been a load of drama this week, is all. Kurt and Blaine argued again, Sam and Cedes had THAT talk and worst of all, Artie got sick. You get it, right? THAT kind of sick. *shiver*. Does he not understand the consequences of no... Protection._

_Eww. I just mortified this whole diary._

_I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU._

_That's better._

_Artie's gonna be fine by the way. It doesn't kill you or make you seriously ill. He shouldnty be so reckless, though._

_Me? I've been busy with Funny Girl. Throwing myself into work does take my mind off things which would otherwise be distracting._

_Or you :)._

_It's an odd thing really. Mercedes always struck me as strong and good, but like all girls, she's vulnerable too. Deep down, everyone is exposed when it comes to matters of the heart. I'm not sure she'd appreciate me telling you how I know this as I only know as the result of a girl talk, but let's just say she's been asked that question... Not a proposal, silly, the other one._

_It's lucky it's only you, or else I'd be killed for repeating this. Not that she'd ever find out. I keep this diary in the very bottom of my dresser, covered in old sweaters I rarely wear and under lock and key. Keep in mind this diary has a lock on too._

_This diary is my way if keeping a hold on you, and God help them if anyone tried to ridicule me for writing these. Not that they would, it's just, I don't know, peace of mind? These are my thoughts, after all. I'd rather have them private in all honesty because I'm not an expert in Occlumency. I don't know if I'd want to be anyway._

_I'm going to change subject now._

_Are you okay? I feel like I haven't asked in a while, which is odd of me. I hope it's warmer up there than New York City, because right now I'm wrapped in two blankets and wearing my thickest sweater and I'm still cold!_

_It's coming up to the last time I saw you. Valentine's Day. I never said it, but I'm sorry for walking out on you like that. It was wrong of me._

_I think I'll be warmer if I attempt to sleep, so I'll talk to you another time._

_I love you lots, Finn. Never forget that._

_Love,_

_Rachel x._

* * *

_Okay so this day has just been like the best ever (my favourite 'band' followed me on Twitter &amp; Liverpool won!) so I decided to update &amp; make it even better!_

_I hope you enjoyed :)_

_I recently wrote a Finchel one shot called Healing that I would love for you to read :). It's Finchel's last phone call before Finn's death in case you're interested :)._

_Important Announcement: I am very happy to announce that there will be a Season 6 based sequel to If You Say So! It will be called On My Way &amp; although there won't be a letter for every episode, there will be one for the ones Rachel is a big part of so Finn is still a part of her life and Glee club! I hope you're looking forward to this as much as I am! _

_Xo Holly_


	11. Letter 11

_Hey guys! I had a lot of fun writing this one, so I hope you enjoy!_

_And no, I own nothing that is recognised. My words are my own :)._

_X_

_My love,_

_I wish you could have been here tonight. That's all._

_Love,_

_Rachel x_

_X_

_My love,_

_Sorry for the abrupt finish to the above; we ended up going out to a bar somewhere in New York to celebrate._

_I meant what I said, though. I could feel you there, but I knew you really weren't. And it kills me._

_I sang my heart out last night. Not for me, not for Barbra, but for you. With 'Who Are You Now', and I told Mr Schue this, it reminds me of you. It makes me think of you. In fact, I had the makeup department put waterproof mascara on me for the night because I knew I'd end up crying my eyes out. My voice didn't shake though, unlike the time I sang in Glee Club for you, so there's that._

_God, I was so nervous for the night Finn. SO NERVOUS. I honestly felt sick to my stomach at the thought of going on stage and possibly messing up. I felt like I was not only doing it for myself, but for you as well. It's like I have to live my life for the two of us now, so I don't want to do anything you'd disagree with or be disappointed in me for._

_Nevertheless, it turned out that I proved the hates wrong and got a great review from the biggest newspaper in New York! Yay!_

_It was around this time that Mr Schue called. He had come to watch the show but his son's birth got in the way. Obviously, I couldn't be mad at him for leaving early._

_They named him Daniel. Daniel Finn Schuester._

_I didn't act like it at the time because we were in public (and my mascara wasn't waterproof this time!) but it meant more than last night ever could. He texted me a picture of Daniel and he is SO CUTE! I believe that he's got Will's hair and Emma's eyes, just so you get a slight image of him in your head._

_I'm afraid the time for me to end this letter has come (wow, how celebrity-like!). This is the only spare minute I had before heading down to the show again._

_I'll talk to you soon, my love._

_Rachel x._

_X_

_Love,_

_I ALMOST FORGOT!_

_The bar that I mentioned was FULL of Broadway lovers... who had been following me and Funny Girl for months! It was honestly one of the best experiences of my life to be able to perform live in front of so many people who love me and what I strive to do. I hope you saw it, because I would hate for you to be unable to experience something like that._

_I really must go now; I'm writing this in the taxi actually._

_Love,_

_Rachel x_

_X_

_Rachel's sounding more and more like a celeb with each letter, isn't she? Don't worry; I'll keep her grounded to the sufficient mark._

_If you get chance, let me know what you think in the reviews!_

_Up next: 'The Back-Up Plan'!_

_Holly :)._


	12. Letter 12

_Two updates in one week! I'm on a roll!_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

* * *

_My love,_

_You understand the sudden change of heart, don't you? You understand why I have to take every  
opportunity as it comes, no matter the cost, right?_

_Sorry. I... I guess I should be more appreciative of every chance I get. Kurt thinks I'm being irrational. Blaine's too busy with his new 'friend' to care (I'd rather not go into details about something I don't know much about) and heck, Santana had to go on as Fanny for me in the end! So I can totally see why this could be considered wrong of me. I took an unnecessary risk for a role in a TV series which didn't suit me at all. And it resulted in something that I was in no way ready for. _

_I was kissed, Finn._

_I was kissed by – technically – a total stranger whilst auditioning. He was the lead actor, or something. _

_You know the last person I was kissed by?_

_You. You when I came down for Kurt's proposal. Remember, at Breadstix, when we met up?  
Who am I kidding? Of course you do. You remember everything. Apart from the fact I was vegan. Yes, Finn. I know that on the date we had before West Side Story opened up that that was real meat. I'm not as oblivious as you considered me to be. _

_But yeah. I guess him kissing me, even if it was just for an audition, truly opened my eyes to the fact that you're not here anymore. You're not here for me to kiss, for me to hug, for me to comfort, or for me to share my every joy and pain with. You're just not here. And I keep telling myself that 'It's not your fault, it's not your fault,' but... I don't know, it stills hurts, is all._

_There is a reason why I auditioned for the show, though. When I thought of my future of Broadway, I saw you, front row and center, cheering me on  
every night. It was a part of our dream, our future and now, although I want to live my life for the two of us, (as I've said quite often previously) it hit home when I started performing night in, night out. _

_I wish Kurt and the others would see it that way._

_Santana's changed for the better. I just thought you'd like an update. She considers me to be a friend, something which, if I was still at high school, would please me more than a lot of other things. But I'm not as naive as I was, so now I'm just glad that I have such a tough friend._

_My eyelids are drooping and I have a meeting early next morning to discuss what I did in flying to LA and missing the show._

_Therefore, the time has come to once again reassure you of my love for you. Lots of things have changed in the past year, but my adoration and love for you never will._

_Love,_

_Rachel x._

_Finn,_

_OH MY GOD! I'M GETTING MY OWN TV SHOW! I'M GETTING MY OWN TV SHOW! YAY! _

_I'm SO excited!_

_Love,_

_Rachel._

_(Technically it's a trial script, but hey! Anything goes in the Hollywood biz!)_

* * *

_Rachel was really OOC in this episode for me, which made her harder to write. Hopefully I did her justice._

_There's only two episodes left to write about, and then, of course, you'll have to wait until next year and **On My Way **to read more letters!_

_Don't worry, though. I have another story (Glee: Facebook) which will become priority once this has finished and I upload oneshots frequently, too!_

_For more news regarding FanFiction, follow me on Twitter - ** xMyGoldStarx**. **  
**_

_I hope you enjoyed, and if you get the chance, drop me a review down below!_

_Holly :)._


	13. Letters 13 & 14

_I was so proud of Chris Colfer when I heard he was was writing an episode and I ended up really enjoying it, so I hope I did it justice :). This is a joint chapter between the last two episodes of Season 5, and I hope you enjoy._

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

_My love,_

_Can we just take a minute to step back and think of how much Kurt works his ass off everyday?_

_Like, seriously. The guy needs to rest._

_He's got a job at the diner which he takes extra hours on as well. He's got quite a few extra-curricular activities on for NYADA which he goes to five days a week. In the midst of all that, he's got Blaine to keep happy, not to mention us (his friends)._

_I honestly don't know how he puts up with us all. I hate to admit it, it we abandon him a lot for other stuff and he hardly ever complains._

_I know it's killing him that we're finding ourselves and he isn't yet. Sure, he's happy for us - that's the kind of person he is. But it's killing him. He's on the sidelines as I get my dream Broadway role, and then a possible TV show. He's watching as Mercedes gets an album out. He's being continuously the supportive fiance for Blaine as he finds success, yet in my mind... In my mind, he's the one who serves it the most after everything he's been through. And I know that you wouldn't normally hear something like that coming from me, but it's true. He deserves all the success that we're getting._

_And I know, I rejected him this week. I declined his offer to sing at the benefit and I also almost missed his Peter Pan performance._

_He was AMAZING as Peter Pan by the way. I know it was only a care home performance but... I could see it then. I didn't see him wearing home made costumes and singing unoriginal songs. I saw him on Broadway, wearing one-of-a-kind costumes and singing his own songs._

_He was a star last night. And he shone so brightly, Finn. So brightly that I wouldn't be surprised if you were there because of it. I know you were, actually._

_I'm sorry this letter is so short. I didn't want to bang on about me this week. I don't say it often enough, but Kurt deserves as much success as us, and I wanted you to know that._

_I love you more with each passing second,_

_Love,_

_Your Rachel x_

_X_

_My love,_

_As I write, I am on a plane to LA (First Class) about to meet up with the company that's commissioned my new TV show._

_Let's have a mini Q&amp;A, shall we? I know you'll have a few.. Ah, queries._

_Question 1 - Is this real life?_

_Yes. I'm 99% sure that it is._

_Question 2 - Since when did you want to be on TV?_

_I dunno, Finn. I guess that, sometimes, dreams change. :)_

_Question 3 - Are you okay?_

_I'm not sure how to answer that question. I... I'm content. I'm happy with how my career is headed but... I'm never going to be completely happy knowing that you can't experience it with me. We're soul mates, Finn, and having your soul mate cruelly ripped away from you is like having half of yourself cut away. You don't function or act the same, you know? It's like being conjoined with someone and having to be separated._

_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to feel all sorry for myself just then. It just... happens._

_But how crazy is this?! I'm getting my own TV show! YAY! I am SO excited! I was really worried at first because the script writer had no clue (like...at all) but it's all turned out better than I could have imagined! I hope that you can watch TV where you are. Can you? I hope you can, like I just said. It would truly be remarkable... It would be a remarkable thing to know that you could watch me. I could win awards and stuff, by the only thing that would matter to me is the fact that you were watching._

_As for everyone else? Sam's gone back home, to Lima. He's going to attempt to resurrect the New Directions. Brittany, Santana and Mercedes have gone on tour - I hope they all do well. Blaine's moved back in with Kurt, giving them more time for wedding planning, I hope. Artie's keeping busy at his film school. They're all happy. And I am, in a way._

_These letters have really helped me through a lot these past months. Having a small connection to you has been more than I could ever asked for. My book is almost full for this installment. My last page, in fact. I'm going to buy a new one as soon as I can, and then I'll get back to these letters._

_I love you Finn. No matter what we do, please never forget that._

_Love,_

_Rachel x._

_X_

_So that's it, guys. My first ever multi-chapter story complete. As previously confirmed, there will be a sequel entitled 'On My Way' premiering January of 2015. I will try to post a note on here when it's up, but in case I forget, you could maybe add be to your follows if yo want to know when it's posted._

_I'm also uploaded a oneshot on Tuesday the 25th - my one year fan fiction anniversary - by the name of 'A Perfectly Good Heart'. The couple is (wait for it) Puck and Marley (Parley) and no, I'm not crazy. One of my favourite writers has included them in her extremely popular Glee: The New York Story and she actually requested it so... I'm not eligible for an asylum, no. ;)_

_Thank you all SO much for your continuous support through out this little story of mine. I never expected to even get five reviews, so this really is bizarre to me._

_Oh, and I love you lots :)._

_Holly x_


	14. Sequel Announcment

_Hello, fellow Gleeks :). It has been far too long. _

_I finally uploaded __**On My Way**__! Woo hooo! I feel so accomplished. _

_And I said that when I uploaded it, I would put a note here, so that is what I am doing. _

**_On My Way _**_can be found on my profile if you wish to read it. You don't have to, of course. _

_Thank you all for your support throughout this story. _

_It means more to me than you will ever know. _

_Holly._


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